Someone said something to me the other day that really struck me. I was talking to the person about something personal when the person said this:
Don’t let what the world says to take away your dignity become a script you repeat to yourself in your head
I have to admit, that caught me completely off guard because well, I was in the confessional booth with a priest and I never expected to hear something like that. To be completely honest, it unnerved me a whole lot and made me really uncomfortable.
For those of you who know me well, I’m an extremely insecure person, so of course I’ve what the world says become a script I repeat to myself. Sure, I have my good days where there the tiny voice in my head says I’m slaying it, but I also have my bad days where I just wanna crawl into bed and stare at the ceiling wondering what’s wrong with me.
I think what I’ve come to realise recently (especially the past 2 months) that I often let my mood depend on what others say or think about me. I’m very easily easily affected by what others say about me even though I tell myself that it really doesn’t matter.
Hearing that Father was probably the wake-up call I’ve been waiting for. The past 2-3 months have probably been the lowest point of my 18 years (and hopefully I won’t get any lower than that in the near), and I’m still trying to pull myself out of it.
I underestimated the hurt people close to me could cause and well, let’s just say that I’m not equipped to deal well with people who hurt me then walk away. It still hurts me everyday to know that I’m that disposable to people that are important to me.
Maybe it’s all in my head, but sometimes the things people do or say really makes me feel that way so it’s hard to believe otherwise. I don’t know how people can do that, but I often find myself questioning my self-worth because of a specific person or group of people.
I think it took me 2 months of feeling more alone than ever to really accept and realise that what others think about me doesn’t matter. As long as I like me, that’s great. Yet as I say this, I know it’ll take me a long time more to fully accept it.
So to the people whose compliments I refuse to accept, please don’t take it personally. It’s really a case of “it’s me and not you”. And to everyone else, please be patient with me while I come to terms with accepting who I am. I’m extremely emotional so please don’t take things wrongly.
On a side note, I have no idea why I keep reflecting on life recently. Maybe it’s an end of year thing. Or maybe I’m just overthinking as usual. Anyhow, 3 DAYS TO CHIRSTMAS AND I AM EXCITED
P.S: I know the icon is irrelevant but the girl looks really pretty