As promised, I’m back with a post on what the ups and downs in poly have taught me. I’m pretty sure no one is interested in what I have to say, but this post is sort of a reflection time for me. So if you can tolerate the ramblings of 20 year old me, here we go!!
1. Life is unfair
This might be stating the obvious, but poly life has taught me to accept that life is unfair and to just move on.
I spent a fair share of my time picking up the slack of my group mates in projects, just for everyone to receive the same grade. As frustrating as it is, there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m not the kind of person to let my grades suffer just because someone isn’t doing their part.
This means of course double the work just to get something done,
I got used to it towards the end of my schooling life, but nonetheless, it still bothered me that people can get away with it. Based on my intern experience, life in the working world isn’t going to be much different, so I guess life isn’t going to get better in that aspect.
I’m actually kind of glad I got to experience this in poly, because it means I’m used to the shit life will throw it at me. Everyone has their own hurdles in their rac
2. People’s opinion shouldn’t dictate your life
I stepped into poly as someone who was easily affected by what others said, even if it was a joke. I let how others saw me affect my self-worth, and looking back, that was a pretty terrible way to lead life.
A little into Year 1, I had a classmate rant about me online, calling me all sorts of lovely things such as bitch. I’m quite tempted to link that post here, but I shall be a nice and civil human and not do that.
When I first read the post, it affected me a little, but soon I found myself not bothering about it. So what if someone doesn’t like the way I work? I’m not obliged to please everyone around me. The only person’s opinion who should matter to me, is mine.
Realising that didn’t make things much better though. Towards the end of Year 2, I had a fallout with a friend I was close with, and girls being girls, it turned ugly. I knew I shouldn’t take what she said about me seriously because it wasn’t true, but deep down inside, it made me feel like the most worthless person in society.
That was the lowest period of my life (as many of my close friends will know), but I’m glad I was put through it. It really made me realise that only the opinions of certain people matter, and those are those who want you to become the best you can. Someone once told me this: “Don’t let what the world says to take away your dignity become a script you repeat to yourself in your head.” That’s the best advice in life I’ve received till today.
3. It’s okay to walk away from a toxic relationship
Everyone has heard of the saying “It takes two hands to clap”, and indeed it does.
I learnt the hard way that there’s no point holding on to a relationship when you’re the only one who’s putting effort into keeping the fire going. Losing a friend might seem like the end of the world to a teenager, and it certainly seemed that way to me at first.
I spent close to 6 months fighting to keep a friendship going, without realising how much better off I would be without this friend. “Let go. If it’s really meant to be, you guys will still be friends despite everything that happens,” someone said to me when things first started getting rough. I really wanted to believe her, but at the same time, I believed with all my heart that this person would make my life better instead of making it worse. I was wrong.
A year after the drama, I couldn’t care less about this “friend”, and I’m proud of myself for moving on from that dark time in my life (it truly was a terrible experience). I went from someone who hated people walking out of my life to someone who accepted it as part and parcel of life.
I wish I could’ve told stupid 18 year-old me that it’s okay to walk away from a relationship when you know it’s doing you more harm than good. You may cherish someone as a friend, but if that person is doing you more harm than good, is he truly a friend looking out for you?
4. It’s okay to be different
I know I have mentioned this previously, but it’s something that has truly stuck with me since the start.
I lead simple drama-free poly life, but we all know that nothing ever goes according to what we plan. I realised from day one that there is no poly stereotype to mould myself into to ensure I fit in. Everyone was different, and there’s was no point trying to change yourself to fit in.
I know it’s hard to believe that there’s no stereotype to mould yourself into, but that could be just me. I realised from the start that for once, being myself wouldn’t mean I would be left out. People wanted to know me for who I am, not the image I was trying to create.
I’ve finally come to accept myself for who I am, even if it’s a K-POP crazy 20 year old who drinks too much coffee and cries too much. As long as I’m happy with who I am, then everything will be fine.
5. Don’t date someone from your class
This is so stupid and immature but honestly, don’t.
It makes life so much tougher because then class becomes awkward and if you get grouped together for projects, it’s so hard to work together. Unless you’re excellent at separating personal affairs from work (which I am not), it’s not worth it.
I speak from experience, but once again, it may be different from everyone. But seeing someone I once dated in class the day after we broke up was not a pleasant feeling at all. And as much as I want to move on from that weird chapter in my life, it still feels like the story is unfinished to this day (even though we broke up more than a year ago).
As I’ve mentioned before, poly truly was a rewarding experience for me, granted it was a huge emotional rollercoaster at the same time. I’m grateful for the many people who taught me various lessons, because without them, I might still be Clueless Hannah.
See you in my next post 🙂 안녕~~